What was the most transformational moment in your life? How did you become a better/newer person after this incident?

What was the most transformational moment in your life? How did you become a better/newer person after this incident?

Stepping outside the cocoon of living in an Indian family home that was subject to an arranged marriage.

You see when you grow up in a household where:

  • Your father and mother have been married since they were 11 and 13;
  • They have had no formal education;
  • Had their first kids at 15 (See here for that story)
  • My parents never held hands, had never kissed
  • And had just learnt ‘as they went along’ to be parents

It impacts you in ways that aren’t clear to you at the time.

I remember being with my first girl friend; Ella let’s call her. She was British-Nigerian and from an altogether different background to myself.

She was studying for some end of year exams at University and was huddled up alone on campus. I was back home in London.

D: ‘How’s revision going?’

E: ‘Yeh it’s ok just long. I’ve been doing this since 8am I’m dead (It was 5.30pm). I think I’m going to go out and see a couple friends - a night off!’

D: ‘Hang on - why didn’t you tell me you were taking the evening off? I could come and see you?’

E: ‘I didn’t plan to take this evening off I just decided’

D: Yes but you could plan and then factor me in - it’s normal! I want to see you!

E: We can see each other - but build it into my timetable?! I’ve got exams I don’t want that kind of pressure!

D: Who are you seeing?

E: What why?!

D: Any guys?

E:‘F*cking hell Deepak!’

When she dumped me at 19; and deservedly so; I realised that I could not be the possessive, demanding father’s son.

I DID HAVE an education, I was born in London, went to university. I should know better! Be balanced, secure, self confident, able to give Ella her space. See other people.

But I was none of those things in truth.

Her dumping me transformed my life.

Foy my advice upon dating head here

It made me realise that what I was exposed to was not all there was. And I was far from the finished article.

Cue the beginning of a decade-long journey of personal development. Not just in relationships.

For more of my life’s lessons head over to here

transcribed from transformation moment