What was your most embarrassing experience in a public place?
I run a lot.
I’ve done 20 marathons in my time. That’s 844 (inrace) km.
If we assume I run 5x 42.2km per marathon in training we’re looking at 5064km. That is a lot of running.
To get my advice on health, fitness and 6 pack’s head here.
So as you can imagine - out on some of these magical runs when I’m say 10km+ from home (and I’ve lived often in major cities - and home is London) - I’m running through Urban areas.
So it’s truly horrible feeling when I’m several kilometres in that I feel the rumblings of my stomach and I’m like ‘oh sht I need to take a sht’.
You would think after almost 15 years of running that I’d learn to ‘see the warning signs’.
And nope this isn’t the punchline.
As a consequence of ingenuity I’ve always managed to find a field in the moments it does happen and make use of my Indian genes and squat in the corner of a field somewhere.
Depending upon the kind of run it is I’ll hit ‘pause’ on my timer or I’ll keep it going.
Once I was around 1km from home. And with the glorious amount of Indian pickle I ingest (no wonder this is the case then)
I had the sudden urge to use the bathroom. It had been an impromptu run I’d decided to go on and as I raced out the door I didn’t give much mind to what I had eaten only an hour before I left.
I silently said to myself: ‘You can make it D!’
My stomach rumbled. It was clear I was ready to give life to my insides.
Unfortunately there were no fields around this time.
So I thought 'come-on D - just 800 metres more you can do it!
I decided to make a run for it. Trying to ignore what was bursting at the dams. It seems that my bowel was also deciding to make a run for it as well.
With all my strength I squeezed my pelvic muscles in the hope I could keep myself from unloading.
It was working - although this was fast becoming one of the most painful/memorable 500 metres of my life.
I was close to sprinting and felt like a man on fire. Bowel fire. Possessed by the need to take a whopping great sh*t.
I turned a corner and had to stop abruptly because I didn’t see the family that appeared like unwelcome house guest quietly and casually walking to wherever they were walking to.
There would be nothing quiet or casual about what was to come.
On the straight road before the corner I’d been keeping my head down, busy with my eyes squished close and then when open looking no further than 5 metres in front of me. Even looking up was difficult as my brain cell was focussed upon the ‘Cry Me a River’ moment my backside was having.
So the heavens, or rather my bum parted - immediately behind the family I had just noticed.
The instant feeling of anal relief I felt was immediately lost to noisy shock horror…
It was an audience with Deepak Shukla’s bottom.
Needless to say it then became the longest 200 metre walk of my life. They knew. I knew they knew. They knew that I knew that they knew.
All talking stopped whilst I scuttled past.
The smell didn’t though. It was having a whole conversation with my bewildered audience.
Follow me on Quora for more stories like this
transcribed frommost embarrassing experience in a public place